I cannot believe the gap I have left in between updating my blog. I seem to do this a lot … start something with good intentions and then bam! Distracted (normally by shiny things) so apologies for my crap one post blog!
Lots has been happening since my first post … Ted now crawls … is trying to pull himself up to stand … Im back in business head mode … we move into our new home the end of July and we are planning Ted’s first birthday and christening celebrations so a special big party!!
He is such a funny character and I am starting to really enjoy being his mum. My pnd and ptsd and anxiety really stopped me from enjoying our first months together but now Im starting to feel a bit more like the old me every day … and now I can allow myself to sit and enjoy just watching him without this horrible black cloud hanging over my head.
I do still struggle but I have more good days than bad so that is a success to me!
Ted’s about to try and climb on my miniature sausage dogs back so I will end this post here and promise to post again soon!
I’ve never written a blog … Or had a diary before … But I feel that now is a good time to start one.
So … I’m a first time mum to Ted who is now 27 weeks and 3 days old … And as my blog webpage address says Tedistheboss … How can a 74cm long human be in charge! I only know how tall he is as I measured him with a tape measure last week but the rate he is growing I’m sure he has grown a few cm since then!
This blog is somewhere I can put all my thoughts and memories in one place … It will probably not be in any kind of chronological order as my memory of some events are a bit blurry …but my counsellor thinks it will help me to write everything down and try and make sense of my journey thus far into motherhood …
Yes I said counsellor … We kind of had a difficult start to being a family and I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since the arrival of Ted … I did go to cognitive behaviour therapy for a while but it just didn’t seem to help me … But my counsellor Julie is so lovely and it’s been a really big help having someone who doesn’t really know me to talk to! I can rant and cry … I don’t really cry so much now … But she helps me see why things happened and helps me to realise Ted wasn’t poorly because anything I done.
I have blamed myself for so long for him being born early … Kept telling myself if only I didn’t work so much I wouldn’t have got so poorly with pre eclampsia and I could have kept him in my tummy for just a little bit longer …. But she listens to me and helps me be rational about things … Well about as rational as I can be anyway!
I am looking forward to creating my blog and putting my thoughts and feelings down on my iPad … If one new Mum reads it and thinks yes I can relate in some part to this blog … Then that will make me happy. Ted is my little miracle … This will be discussed at some point I am sure but my god he is hard work. Not one thing went to any kind of plan with this pregnancy or birth or first few months of his life … It’s not a conventional mum and baby story (I still laugh that I had my baby shower on the Maternity Ward at Arrowe Park Hospital and Ted was born around 12 hours later by emergency section ha) .. But it’s our story and now is a good time to tell it.